Things that didn’t make it into my sanitised screensaver

I’m writing this on Monday night, in anticipation of my mother’s arrival. You’re probably reading it on Wednesday morning, which means she’s already here.

The idea of parents coming to stay with you for an indeterminate period of time is enough to send anyone doolally, and my mother is very religious and disapproves of most things.

This means that whenever she’s coming over, I have to sanitise everything so she won’t be massively offended by it. (To be fair, my BFF did point out the other day that my house is “a bit Satany” even for a normal person’s tastes. “Just from here,” he said, sitting on my couch, “I can see a book called Children for the Devil and another called The Satanic Witch, and a cauldron and… is that a crystal ball?”)

I have a Mother-Friendly Playlist on Spotify, which I use when she’s here. Today I also made a Mother-Friendly Screensaver, and here are some of the things that didn’t make the cut.

Because totem poles are evil

Because totem poles are evil

Stonehenge, England

Stonehenge: also evil


Jokes about Jesus (taking the PISS out of the LORD!) + swearing = VERY EVIL


This lady does not look like a god-fearing citizen


Sexy underwear is a SIN!




Because she actually believes this. No, really.


To be fair, this one *is* a little witchy…


Jokes about the HOLY BOOK


*gasp* Even worse than underwear!


“Ass” is a naughty word


The universe is very young. The world is even younger. Science and evolution are evil ideas planted in the minds of men by the devil himself (yes, really).

And finally…


Do you ‘sanitise’ your house when family members come to visit? What do you do? 


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