Forensicating

A Desk In The Life: Forensic Investigator

A lot of people seem fascinated when I tell them what I do for a living (well, one of the things), so I thought I’d write a blog post about it.

The specific strand of my life that generates all the interest is forensic investigation. To be fair, it is a pretty awesome job and I do feel like a badass when I’m doing it. But a lot of it is way less glamourous than people seem to expect, probably because they’ve watched too much CSI.

So what do I do, if it’s not all ultra-glamourous labs, flashy command lines and 45-minute mysteries?

Continue reading “A Desk In The Life: Forensic Investigator”

Personal

Version 25.1

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Every so often I remake myself. This has been a habit since I was very young. I have no idea why I do it, really; it’s usually that there’s one thing in my life I want to change and so I end up changing all of it to “fit” better with the way I see the Future Scar. (I am aware that this is probably pathologically insane. But they’ve not locked me up for it so far, so I’m sure it’s fine…)

Last year was particularly changey. This year has plodded along quite nicely, but now I want to turn it up a gear. When I turned 25 I had a bit of a quarter-life crisis (“What am I doing with my life? I have achieved NOTHING!” etc.) and spent some time holed up in my flat with a bottle of wine, designing Scar Version 25.0.

She’s been alright so far – certainly more together than Version 24, and a hundred times better than Versions 20-23, who were, to put it nicely, sloppy and useless.

Since last year I have become significantly fitter and healthier. For example, I can now walk upstairs and run for a bus without feeling like I’m going to die. I’ve been running every day since the beginning of January (I always keep my new year’s resolutions). I’ve worked on things I like rather than things I don’t, and have scaled down certain aspects of my life that I didn’t enjoy so much.

But now.

Now it needs to step up a bit. We’re a quarter of the way through Version 25.0, and I think that means it’s time for 25.1 to step into the spotlight.

Yesterday I spent some time with my snakeskin notebook (it’s not really snakeskin because that makes me sad, it just looks a bit like a snake because that makes me happy). I get her out every time I want to reflect on what I’ve done so far and plan what I’m going to do moving forwards. And then I write it down, and then I do it.

Version 25.1 is much like her predecessor, but stepped up a notch. MOAR running. MOAR fitness. MOAR working on interesting projects. MOAR healthy food. LESS alcohol and pizza.

MOAR good, LESS bad, in summary.

So, today was Day One of Version 25.1. And it went… reasonably well.

To begin with, I got up in the morning. I’d been in the habit of going to bed at 4 and getting up at 9, but I decided to try going to bed at 2 and getting up at 7 instead. My body wasn’t a fan, but it did it without too much protesting.

I spent some time cleaning my house and investigating a case I’m working on, then walked into town for my business meeting. At this point I realised I was quite tired: sitting in the café eating breakfast, I decided to take a drink of water. I lifted it up, but forgot to open my mouth, so literally spilled it all over myself and the table. The man behind the counter gave me a bit of a strange look. Then my clients arrived and we started talking.

Client: “So I’d like you to help with our marketing proposition, like I said on the phone.”
Me: “And business planning and organisation, yes.”
(The conversation continued in this vein for a while. Then it moved on.)
Client: “There’s the chilli festival soon, we need to cover that. Do you like hot food?”
Me: “I LOVE hot food. The angrier the better. I like to not feel my throat.”
Client: “OK, great, we’ll put you down for that.”
(We discussed some more businessy things.)
Client: “So what are you up to now?”
Me: “I’m going boxing.”
Client: “Oh cool, what appeals to you about that?”
Me: “I dunno, I guess I’m a bit of an adrenaline junkie.”
Client: “So you’d like extreme sports, then?”
Me: “Maybe… I’m not sure, actually… I think it’s more the violence that I like about boxing.”
Client: “So you wouldn’t be interested in skydiving?”
Me: “Not particularly. I mean, I’d probably do it if I had to, but it doesn’t involve hitting people, so…”
Client #2: “Shit, we’ve hired a murderer.”
Me: “Well, it’s one way of getting rid of the competition…”

Remarkably, we’re still working together.

I scuttled off to an internet café for a bit to continue a project I’m working on, then headed to boxing. Which was a LOT of fun.

First I got on the treadmill. The man put it on an incline and told me to start walking. I did. After a few minutes, he said “Now step onto the side of the treadmill and then off of the machine, but leave it running.” I tried. I really did. But all I actually succeeded in doing was falling spectacularly off of a moving treadmill.

Then we went and did some boxing for a bit, and that was fun. I like hitting things. Afterwards we played a game that involved running from Point A to Point B without being hit by a football. I did it successfully a few times, and then on about the sixth time, tripped over myself for no apparent reason, fell onto my left foot and faceplanted rather beautifully. I managed to keep running for a while, but as soon as the bus had dropped me outside my door I realised that my big toe is (a) very swollen, (b) rather bruised and (c) unable to bend. Which is annoying, but I’m sure it’ll be fine soon.

And then I went and spoke to the man who was running the session and asked him about personal training, because he seemed sufficiently shouty and badass to deal with the level of insanity that is Scar, and he showed me magic machines and said wonderful words like “diet plan” and “exercise plan”, and now I think I’ve found myself a trainer. Woop.

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Now I’m having a brief blog/shower/emails/dinner break before heading out to run a youth group (which should be interesting, considering that walking seems kinda difficult right now). And then I’ll be back for a bit more investigation – hopefully wrapping up the case today – and finishing off the project I’ve been working on for the past few days, before collapsing onto the sofa to watch Plein Soleil, which I’ll be reviewing over on Geektown tonight.

This is Version 25.1. I quite like her so far. Broken toes and all.